18 Months Old

A year and a half old. No more baby...officially a toddler, more like a little boy it seems to me. The baby is growing up. Talking a lot more; attempting to say words and parroting anything his siblings ask him to say. He eats like a champ; he'll eat any and everything I'm eating - he tries everything! He even had several bites of plain cranberry sauce (from a can) during Christmas dinner (random!). His new thing is to try and put on shoes or socks on his feet. He is still obsessed with any type of ball. If he sees a candle, he'll blow. Thanks to his big brothers he's been learning lots of new karate moves...and sadly, practicing them on other children his age. Oh the joys of older brothers!

Cheesin' with Dad's shades on.

The silly photo that did not make it as the Christmas card picture. More like New Year's cards at this point since they're still unaddressed sitting on our counter.

Opening a present Christmas morning. Groggy and having no idea really what to do. He perked up once he saw the pair of shoes inside the box from Papa Gary!

Modeling his new rain coat from Gramma Dedee. This boy loves the camera, can you tell?

Pull out a camera and this boy will smile. This is a bit much on the smiling, but he had us all cracking up! He is full of personality that's for sure.

Excess

It seems crazy that Christmas is in just two days! I know that is such a cliche, everyone is saying the very same thing right about now, but it feels like December whizzed by me. We were sick for the majority of the month, but besides that, there is something different this year.

Initially I did think it was because of the sickness being passed around my family. I thought I just wasn't in the spirit because I didn't feel 100% and then once I did, I was still dealing with multiple kids that didn't. It wasn't that though.

The desire to decorate was less this year; even the fervor with which I did decorate was less. I definitely didn't put as much out this year - the tree, a wreath, a few child-made decorations and of course the Nativity Scene. But for the most part, my boxes remained quite full of unused decorations and went back in the garage. It made me realize how excessive I have been in years past with decorating.

As the month passed, it seemed like the theme of excess kept coming up for me.

Too many plastic kids' cups, way more than we need or use. On any given day there would be 8-10 on the counter. It was driving me crazy! I had to get rid of many. I scaled back. Kept only what we needed.

Too many toys upstairs. It had been several weeks since the playroom was completely picked up so I took on the challenge...only to realize how much stuff my children have. Way too much stuff. Broken stuff, mismatched stuff, untouched stuff. An excessive amount of toys. I filled two trash bags full to give away. There are so many children who have nothing. We have toys in excess over here!

Too many clothes. Laundry piled up while we were sick and it made me realize just how many clothes my daughters have. We have been so blessed by hand-me-downs from friends, but I'd also saved Gracie's old clothes and of course once in awhile Grandmas love to get girly outfits. But they don't wear it all. Not all of it even fits them anymore. There were items that didn't match a single thing. Not even enough hangers to hang it all up at one time. Excessive amounts of clothes. I sorted through it all, kept only things that made outfits and now have five trash bags full of clothes to pass along. And to think there are children that wear the same outfit everyday of the week.

And now Christmas in two days. My husband and I have been convicted about keeping Christmas simple this year. We set a spending amount for each child this year, much lower than ever before. We explained the legend of Santa Claus to our children and compared him St. Nicholas who loved Jesus and gave with a generous heart to those less fortunate. We read and talked a lot about the birth of Jesus, the true reason to celebrate.

But ads and emails and commercials and mailers abound. Everywhere I turn I encountered the pressure of Christmas. It feels excessive to me. I think back to years past and recognize how overwhelming it was; how easy it was to get sucked into the busyness and madness of it all!

We are so blessed and grateful by all that we have and the opportunities available to us. Looking back over the last few weeks I am truly thankful that my entire family was sick not once, but twice, because it really slowed us down for a few weeks. It gave me a chance (us a chance) to bask in the true meaning of Christmas and to draw closer as a family.

"Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: Behold a virgin will be with child and bear a son, and she will call His name Immanuel." Isaiah 7:14

"Behold, the virgin shall be with child and shall bear a Son, and they shall call His name Immanuel, which translated means God with us." Matthew 1:23

"...for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord." Luke 2:11

(just over) 17 Months Old

A tad late, but better than never, Aaron is past the 17 month mark now. At least I have this blog to keep track of milestones and details and cute photos because otherwise there might be nothin'!

Such a cheeser for the camera. His sisters love doing his hair after bath time. Mouth full of teeth - all four molars started at once and they're all through.

Loves to poke things with his fork.

An avid lover of books! He adores big sister Emmie.

Sportin' Daddy's beanie.

The sweetness of this picture...his sisters adore him. I doubt he'll ever lack attention.

Doing his "school work" with Brendan.

Just amazing how much he mimics what the older kids do.

Lake Arrowhead - we celebrated him turning 17 months old up there in the snow!

An Emotional Reminder

We listen to Air 1 (a Christian station) on the radio whenever we're in the car. A couple months ago, I heard something about a baby boy with heart defects being born to a member of the band Sanctus Real. I quickly turned it up because the DJ was talking about the heartache of the mother to see her baby hooked up to machines and not be able to hold him ~ I could relate obviously and wanted to hear more. Unfortunately, I had missed most of the story and meant to check the Air 1 website for a link to their blog and forgot.

Then a few days ago on Air 1, I heard that the same baby boy was finally going home. The DJ mentioned the blog address to read the full story. So I finally had some quiet time tonight and pulled it up. I was overwhelmed with emotions. What an amazing testimony of faith and hope.

In the midst of reading through post after post, Aaron began to cry from upstairs. I couldn't get there fast enough. I scooped him up and just held him and cried. All the emotions from that first week of his life and his surgery and stay in the NICU came flooding back ~ fear, heartache, exhaustion, anxiety, hope, adoration, anger, panic and a peace that surpassed any understanding.

I just kept thinking how thankful I was that Aaron's issue was relatively minor and his stay in the hospital so brief...how thankful I was that it was such a common thing and such an easy fix in comparison to other birth defects...how thankful I was that I was squeezing him in my arms 16 months later!

It got me thinking about the other parents we met during our stay at Loma Linda and their precious babies, each with different complications. I wondered what had become of them. I prayed for them. My heart ached for some of them. I was disappointed that I'd forgotten them; not prayed for them more.

God used my experience with Aaron to really grow me, yet I feel like I allowed it to get pushed way to the back...it seems so long ago and surreal now, but reading this other blog tonight brought it all back for me. I am grateful for the way it jostled my memory because I was able to look back on our suffering and see that truly my faith was tested and proven. How glorious!
God is faithful. His power is made perfect in our weakness. I was weak, but He was strong.

Before and After

After two and a half years, Jaylon got his braces off two days ago!!! He is now the proud owner of a purple retainer and his teeth turned out beautifully.

At a Loss for Words

I was standing at the kitchen sink doing dishes. Jay was working, as he had been for several days in a row, which was wearing thin on us all. There was tension among the kids and my stress level was high. The boys were bickering while working on a writing assignment (did I mention it was Sunday and they were ticked?). Gracie was crying because she didn't get her way. Emmie was pouting because Gracie wouldn't play with her. And then Aaron started crying because he wanted me to pick him up.

I felt like I wanted to join Aaron and just have a good cry. Then I wanted to scream at all my children to shut up (awful to admit I know, but the honest truth). Next I contemplated going into my room and locking the door.

I tried to feel patient. I tried to be understanding. I wanted to come up with some sound wisdom to get my boys to stop arguing and have a better attitude. I was hoping to think of something to say that would make the girls feel better and get them playing harmoniously together.

I had nothin'. I was at a loss for words.

All I had the energy to do was say, "Help me God!"

And as it turned out, that was all I needed to say. I am so thankful that He knows what I need even when I can't even find the words to ask. I can't imagine parenting without Him.

Balancing Act

I was feeling particularly frustrated the other night by my inability to complete the tasks that needed to be done. I was lying in bed thinking about the dirty clothes piled up in my closet, the stack of unopened mail on the kitchen counter, the pile of clean clothes on the floor of my room needing to be put away, the messy rooms of my children, my empty pantry/refrigerator, the ever-present "piles" on my desk ~ and these were just the domestic tasks that were hanging over my head.

I was feeling weighed down and anxious.

The next wave of thoughts that swept over me pertained to homeschooling ~ we hadn't finished the science reading for the week, I really should have them memorize more scripture verses, the boys were behind on their math lessons, Gracie hadn't practiced her sight words enough, I needed to spend more time on devotions with the kids, maybe the neighbor kids were smarter than my kids and better off for being in school.

Why do my thoughts always tend to go towards things that are wrong? Why do I allow myself to feel like a failure? All I could think about was how can I better pull off this balancing act in my life?

I was very encouraged by a devotional I read not long after about practicing the Presence of God rather than the presence of problems. It was such a great reminder that I cannot maintain the balancing act of life on my own. I am not able to accomplish anything apart from God. He is the One who gets me through. I can go to Him when I am feeling overwhelmed by failure or problems or exhaustion.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

Prayerfully, I can rely on God to transform my thoughts and change my perspective.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way." Psalm 139:23-24

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16

"Delight yourselves in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

16 Months Old

It's official...Aaron is a toddler, a big boy, no longer a baby. How sad. His shoes, his clothes, his actions. Lots of milestones this month! He is so happy. Loves to laugh, even covers his mouth sometimes when he laughs. He is definitely a character. He likes to play with anything that has wheels ~ Spiderman motorcycle, Matchbox cars, Tonka truck...or even the Barbie carriage or the Little People bus. And at some point in the last few weeks his four molars came through (kid #5 so the exact dates of each tooth goes unnoticed). Still sleeping in our bed...still nursing. Likes to dance when he hears music. Wants to draw with paper/crayon whenever he sees other kids doing school.

Cheesin' for the camera. These jeans make him look like such a big boy.

A boy after his brothers' own hearts, he loves skateboards! He even tries to get on standing up!

A new obsession with animals this month. He was fascinated by this stray cat in our casita.

Big boy in his car seat after a long day of fun!

Playing outside with the boys...his favorite thing to do. Every time he hears a door open he goes running to see if he can get outside.

This child loves to eat fruit, any type, but of course all on his own! He is coming into that phase of wanting to do things all by himself.

Had a fun visit from Papa Gary this month! They had so much fun, but the favorite part was watching Survivor together, just the two of them, and playing with a box of granola bars.

After a long day at the LA County Fair with Grandma Dedee.

He loves ice! He comes running when he hears me getting ice for my water bottle. He used to help me put it in, but then that turned into him stealing a piece and running away so he could lick it and suck on it. It's a big game now! :-)

Laughing at himself for stealing the ice from me...he's a stinker.

Struggling with Priorities

What happened to the days when my bed was made every morning, there was never a single dish left in my sink when I went to bed, the family room was perfectly in order when I woke up in the morning and the bathroom mirrors never had water spots (let alone toothpaste or spit!!) on them???


Oh yeah...that was my life before kids.


To those of you who have known me for many years, you can recall the days of OCD cleaning, not an item out of place and coasters on "grandpa's table". God must have a sense of humor because I have two children that are slobs and can't pick things up to save their lives, one that is a stuffer (under his bed, pillow, in his drawer or closet, in all his pockets) and one that just leaves her things any and everywhere she pleases. The verdict is still out on Aaron.

The Lord has really worked on me because there is just not the time in a day for me to make my house so clean that it looks like we don't actually live in it. I had to give up control, which is such a challenge for me! Over the last few years I've had seasons where cleaning came before my job, where cleaning came before homeschooling, where cleaning came before the needs of my husband and children. Thankfully it isn't quite that bad anymore, but I'm still battling.

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit down and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar." Psalm 139:1-2

So I pray daily for the strength to focus on the right priorities in my life. I pray for humility so that if my house is dirty and friends come over, I won't care. I pray for patience in dealing with my children whose cleanliness standards conflict with mine. And I pray for acceptance of the fact that my bed may not get made, or my husband may be wearing the same pair of jeans again, or the dishes may pile up for two whole days before getting washed, or my kids may be wearing their underwear inside out!

"Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul." Psalm 143:8

And I am learning to willingly accept that I may have to break up a fight instead of sweeping, or nurse a baby instead of folding the laundry, or put a band aid on instead of drying dishes, or sit and talk with my husband instead of picking up the family room. And in the long run, what is going to matter more?

Oh Happy Day!

I have joy in my heart tonight because I had one of those very special mommy moments that brought tears to my eyes.

My sweet little Gracie (soon to be 7) informed me today that she had just prayed and asked the Lord into her heart. She said she asked Him to forgive her for all of her sins and to live in her heart. It was precious. After I found my voice and expressed my happiness, we prayed together about it.

This is my first experience with one of my children accepting the Lord...with me being present. Jaylon and Brendan both did it at a church event. So this was special for me today.

She said that He had been wanting her to do it for awhile, but today she finally felt ready to pray the prayer and ask Him.

Thank you Heavenly Father! What a moment - and to think, He is more pleased about it than I am.

Attitude Adjustment

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." Colossians 3:23

This verse encouraged me this morning as I dreaded the repetitive tasks of the day looming ahead of me. I need to put the clean dinner dishes away, empty the dishwasher, get the kids dressed, make my bed, change a diaper, put tonight's dinner in the crock pot, get the school day started...and that's just within the first hour of the kids waking up!

This verse encouraged me to change my attitude this morning, and every morning for that matter. I am not doing all these tasks for man, but the Lord. He has given me these five blessings called children, he has blessed us with a spacious home and a fridge full of food. He has provided multiple clothes for all of us to wear and machines that make washing all those clothes much easier for me than most women in the world!

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks for God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17

15 Months Old

This little slide is his new favorite activity. He climbs up on his own and holds on for dear life until his body is nearly as long as the slide down and then he'll let go. He is so proud of himself!

His desire is to do any and everything for himself now...including eat his own piece of pizza.

This cute little desk was meant for Emmie, but he has overtaken it. We often find him sitting there just kicking his stubby little legs and smiling.

He can't get enough Mommy time. He loves to mess with my keyboard when I'm on the computer.

After a long day of playing, nap time for some of the boys.

Give this kid a broom and he'll sweep an entire area. In Arrowhead, he likes to sweep the outside deck and watch the boats on the lake.

So many other fun things are happening: he now runs, he can crawl down the stairs now (much to my relief), he spends a good part of his days kicking around a soccer ball, when the doorbell rings he rushes to see who it is, he loves to be outside and will follow anyone out any door, his favorite drink is water but only from Emmie's cup or my bottle - never from the sippy cups I try to give him, he "talks" on the phone and thinks it's great fun, and he is fascinated by dogs - if he sees one or hears one barking or even hears the word dog he will stop and look around (this has become a good tactic to get him to stop crying...just ask him where the doggy is!). He still loves avocado, watermelon and now ribs and pizza. He is very easy-going and happy. He brings so much joy to our family!

Homeschooling Reflections

As I sit here planning for the upcoming school week, I find myself reflecting on my feelings toward homeschooling. Sure there are days that I want to rip my hair out. I have plenty of days that I'm nearly out the door headed for the local elementary school to register these hooligans. And my husband has come home to tears more than once over the course of the last four years ~ Wednesday being the most recent. But all in all, I enjoy it.

I realize that it is not for everyone. I know plenty of people who wouldn't dare and think I'm crazy for even trying. So many of them claim they don't have the patience...as if I do!

All I can say is that by the Grace of God am I able to do this. Yes, I did attend college and obtain a teaching credential, but believe me when I say there are many days when I am convinced a classroom of 20 second graders would be much easier to deal with. I am not endowed with an over-abundance of patience (just ask my children).

This opportunity presented itself a few years back and we accepted it. It's been a rough time getting started and finding our groove, but last year was more positive than negative and so far this year I'm feeling good!

God equips me everyday to continue on this journey. I am reminded of Matthew 19:26, "And looking at them Jesus said to them, "With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

A Thankful Heart

Today marks one month exactly since we moved into our new place. I'd like to say that everything is unpacked, in order and in place, but that wouldn't be entirely true. For the most part yes, but it's those last few boxes of random stuff that are driving me nuts. It's the stuff that needs to be hung on our walls. It's the stuff scattered all over the garage that needs to be organized. But we'll get to all that when we can. For now I am just so thankful.

Of course it's easy to be thankful now...looking back.

I wish I could say my attitude was seeping with gratitude the entire time. My mind, left to itself, is negative, critical and pessimistic. I'm just a big whiner like my preschooler, really. I wasn't sure I could handle the emotions of losing our house, let alone the stress of moving, without having a nervous breakdown.

But I love what Romans 8:6 says, "The mind of sinful man is death; but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace."

So day...after day...after repetitive, exhausting, stressful day, I begged the Holy Spirit to be with me and control my mind. That changed things. There is an unexplainable peace in the midst of chaos and the unknown. And once that reality penetrated my thick, stubborn brain it became clear to me that I must do what it says in Psalm 37:4-5. "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this."

Was it easy - no.

Did I get side tracked and frustrated - yes.

But it was what got me through. And here we are in a beautiful home (basically brand new on the inside thanks to the landlord), in a cul-de-sac with other children to play with where our furniture fits perfectly and we have amenities that we didn't have at our old house.

It's been a rough couple of years, but it is amazing to be able to look back and see the many ways God provided. I remember learning in Bible study last year about the meaning of Jehovah Jireh: the Lord will provide. From where I sit right now, that is an understatement. We truly are blessed!

Battling the enemy

This one is long, but big lessons were learned on my part. ~ Have you ever had one of those mornings where nothing went right and it was all you could do to hold it together? Monday morning was just such a morning for me.

Actually, let me back up to the weekend. I felt full of joy. I had planned my lesson for our very first co-op on Monday. We were looking forward to being part of such a fun group. The kids were having a blast in Newport Beach. I was ready to join them and relax for a couple days.

"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8

Jay joined us Saturday night after a long day of (unsuccessful) fishing, but was in a sour mood. It ticked me off. He rained on our parade as far as I was concerned. I didn't care that he had worked hard all week. I didn't care that he had only gotten two hours sleep the night before and been on a boat in the sun all day long. I didn't take into account that he really just wanted to go home, but stayed at the beach with us for dinner because I gave him a guilt trip.

Very few words were spoken that night, or the next morning. So we show up at church at odds with each other, which always feels so wrong! I was very emotional during the service. He apologized to the kids and I afterwards. In my heart I didn't forgive him. I held a grudge the whole day. I was bitter. I was on edge. I was rude and grumpy all day long. Truth be told, there were actually three separate times that I blew a fuse and said hurtful things and bad words in front of my three oldest and even worse...to them. Jay and I went to bed without speaking. The enemy was getting the best of me. He was egging me on and kept justifying my feelings.

"...He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies." John 8:44

Monday morning I woke up early to have my quiet time with God. Granted, I was in a bad mood and felt no joy. My devotional reading was about the protection of the Lord from the enemy. Hmmm. Then I randomly decided to read this photocopy of something my mom had given me several weeks ago on being captive to our thoughts. Whoa! That hit me right between the eyes. I read it, looked up a few scripture verses and wrote in my prayer journal. I knew what needed to be done, but I did not want to do it.

It was a rare morning where Jay didn't leave until later, so when everyone was awake I pulled he and the three oldest aside to admit my wrong and ask their forgiveness. That was very humbling. I did it kicking and screaming inside. My pride was in high gear that morning because I really just wanted to hold onto my grudge and go about my day. Then we prayed together before he left and I asked for a peaceful day and no anger on my part.

Slowly things began to unravel...We had to be at co-op on time to get set up. I certainly didn't want to be late on day one. I wanted to make a good impression. I was totally insecure about what I had planned and kept doubting myself. The kids were all moving at extra slow speeds. The boys were arguing. Emmie woke up whining and eventually it escalated into a full-blown meltdown. Aaron happened to pick that day to sleep in, which was not good since I needed to nurse him before I left him with my mom for the day.

I thought of the verses from James 1:2-3: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." But I didn't really want to be developing my faith that particular morning.

Then as I'm doing Gracie's hair she says to me, "See mom, your prayer this morning didn't even work." Wow! That provided a teachable moment. I explained that Satan was working extra hard to ruin our day and that we needed to stand strong and pray more.

It got worse...

We were rushing about, scrambling to load up. I got in my car and the speedometer didn't go on. All of the gages have been acting up, but of course it would be this morning that it just doesn't work. After several attempts of turning the car on and off, I just decided to leave. Then my garage wouldn't shut. It took my mom and Jaylon several minutes to move stuff around and get it to shut. I forgot their science notebooks in the rush.

I called Jay to tell him about our morning since he had left and started to cry. He reminded me that it was just the devil trying to get the best of me. I cried all the way to co-op. We pulled up and I told the kids we needed to pray again. I blubbered through the prayer. I walked in and my sweet friend listened to my drama. Then we prayed as a group and I felt the weight of the weekend lift.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

Some would say it was Murphy's Law that morning, but I disagree. It was Satan, the enemy of my soul, hard at work. He had gained a foothold over the weekend. And sadly I allowed him to do just that for a couple days, but thankfully the Lord got me back on track and renewed my strength.

14 Months Old

Not sure where the summer went, or these last fourteen months for that matter. Aaron is growing up so quickly. He's pretty much solely walking now, we rarely see him crawl at all anymore. Each day he seems to pick up speed. He has learned to blow kisses while saying "mwah". He likes to imitate me when I blow on hot food for him. Unfortunately his older brothers have taught him a thing or two and he thinks its funny to ball up his fist and "punch". Of course he gets a great reaction from his siblings, so he continues to do it. It cracks me up when he growls like a monster and he cracks himself up too actually. His favorite word is ball, everything round is a ball to him, even the onions at the store! His favorite food is avocado and he still hasn't really taken to drinking cows milk. This is a great age!

Did I mention the child loves to eat lemons? Yep...you read right, lemons!

We had a blast in Phoenix and this boy loves to swim! He would get angry when we got him out. Just like he gets angry when we take him out of the bath ~ guess he likes water.

Chillin' by the pool in Phoenix! :-)

His favorite part about our new place is the stairs! He loves to give kisses through the railings.

Snuggling with Brendan is one of his favorite things to do in the mornings.

He has officially learned to smile for the camera. What a ham!

Before and After

Here is Gracie a couple of months ago with both front teeth and long hair....


...and here she is now with no front teeth and short hair! I love this age.

Too Uptight

This is one of those things that I just have to post (document somewhere as a memory) because it's actually quite funny, but it isn't a very good reflection of my behavior.

On Saturday evening Gracie posed this question to our family, "What happened to this day? First it was a good day and Mom was happy and then...poof...we're all doing stuff to make her mad!?"

Out of the mouths of babes...

Needless to say I was just a tad bit uptight. Well, okay, way too uptight if I'm being honest. I was sleep deprived and had a headache. The disorganization of the house was driving me nuts! The kitchen was a mess. I was feeling lots of anxiety because there are still boxes all over the place. The school year is upon me and I've done very little planning. So many excuses!

Yet when Gracie made her comment I literally laughed out loud - LOL. And in that moment, all of my "uptightness" dissolved. And then I felt bad because I realized how much my bad mood was bringing everyone else down and affecting the whole evening. Jay and the boys were outside grilling and we were going to watch a movie together as a family. Sad to think that my negative attitude was ruining this special and rare time that my family was spending, just us, at home, hanging out.

It always surprises me when God uses one of my children to get my attention and make a point. But I'm so glad He did because had Gracie not said anything I would have eaten in silence and gone to bed early while they watched the movie without me. Sad to think what a fun night I would have missed because I was way too uptight!!!

Moving

Well, it's official...we're moving. Picked up the keys yesterday.

It has been a long couple of years and in the last several months we realized this was inevitable. Actually, I think my husband accepted that fact long before I did. I was in denial. I was operating under very wishful thinking. I've had many moments of anxiety and sadness over losing this house. My mind would go crazy thinking of all the memories we have here; all the "firsts" that occurred here. My heart would ache thinking about someone else living in our house...actually I was really bitter when I thought about that.

I tried to whip my attitude into shape by reminding myself this was merely four walls -by putting things into perspective as I thought about my friends in Haiti who were homeless or living in tents...still. It didn't work.

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:11-13

I would think of these verses in Philippians about being content and know that I should be focused more on that type of thinking, but it was hard! I wish I could say that my attitude was positive and I was confident in the Lord to give me the strength to get through, but that wasn't exactly how I was feeling through all of this. Of course I knew deep down the Lord would bring us through...this too shall pass, right? But it wasn't easy bringing my thoughts and feelings into alignment with those verses.

Somewhere along the way God helped me work through all of those negative thoughts and feelings. Just in the last few months really. I prayed a lot for my heart and attitude to change (and I know I had others praying for me too). I realized that I was giving too much thought and attention to the problem when really I should have been focusing on the Lord all along.

"Therefore...fix your thoughts on Jesus..." Hebrews 3:1

So now here I am with keys to another house and feeling at peace.

"For He Himself is our peace..." Ephesians 2:14

We are able to move slowly, which makes it not as overwhelming. Emmie is begging to set up her bed at the new house because she is so excited to live there! The Lord provided us with the perfect house for our family, with benefits that even here we did not have. I have been praying for whoever is going to live in this house next because otherwise I get sad thinking about it all.

Now I'm trying to maintain a joyful attitude.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:2-3

I know He is able and I know He does provide...so why am I always so amazed when He comes through and comes through perfectly and right on time???

13 Months old

His laughter and cheesy smile are contagious!

Loves his water cup...always trying to share.

Knocking on the door to get the kids' attention outside. He loves to look out!

He loves his slide...he climbs up the slide and just stands on the platform.

Trying to "kick" the soccer ball like he's seen his brothers do.

Being tortured by his sisters - those are toys stuffed inside his onesie. He's enjoying it I guess!

According to my husband I should just say he's 1, but for some reason (it's a mom thing), I always keep track of the months up until the age of 2. So happy 13 month birthday to my sweet Aaron Isaac today.

I should be packing, but documenting the milestones of my sweet boy is much more fun. Plus, it dawned on me that this child has no baby book yet so this blog may be the closest thing he's gonna have.

His favorite word is ball. He can spot a ball in a crowded room. Actually anything round, such as a globe, is a ball to him. And he's obsessed, even with footballs.

He's not walking on his own yet, but he loves to push his walker around and walk holding someones hands. He is fine to walk while holding the couch, a wall, the table....just not feeling like doing it alone yet. He will take maybe 3-5 steps from one person to another, but usually that results in a big laugh and a face-first fall forward (we always catch him of course!).

All that being said, he crawls at turbo speed! My favorite thing is to get on the ground, call his name from across the room and watch him turbo crawl towards me. Talk about a melting heart!

He discovered the stairs last month, so we've got the gate up now. A couple times we've forgotten that the gate is down and all of a sudden we hear him calling out and he's upstairs in the bonus room looking down on us, laughing.

Speaking of laughing...he is a laugher! (is that even a word?) He loves to laugh. Baby laughter is one of the best sounds and this child seems to laugh so much more than my other babies did. I often wonder if it's just him living up to his middle name, Isaac, which means 'laughter.' And the cheesy grin that accompanies his laughter makes it all the more endearing. Love that boy!

He knocks on things...we say "knock-knock" and he makes a fist and knocks. It's adorable.

There are a few "words" that he says: hi, bye-bye, mama, dada, dog (or woof woof), boat, ball and bird. He can also say 'more' in sign language.

We've been trying to teach him to give kisses, but usually what we get is him leaning his forehead towards us for a kiss. Brendan seems to be the only one who can successfully get him to give kisses with his lips. Precious!

Yada Yada

For some reason when I have a baby that I am nursing, I am able to get SO much reading done. And so help me if I find a book that is irresistible, it's like I speed read it every time I lay down to nurse. So this is how/why I've been able to read these fabulous books called The Yada Yada Prayer Group by Neta Jackson. There are 7 of them I discovered and when I'd finish one, I couldn't buy the next one fast enough. Easy reading, entertaining, convicting, teaching...they have impacted me and provided hours of relaxation.

Upon completion of book 7, I was so disappointed because there weren't anymore to read. Then I discovered there was another series by the same author that overlapped many of the same characters - The Yada Yada House of Hope series!! I just finished book 3 of that series and would you believe that she hasn't finished the fourth and final book yet? Of all the...now I have to wait until March. I'm so bummed.

The women in her books have taught me a lot about being a Christian, about being a wife and a mother, a true friend, a prayer warrior and how to live my life. Truly it has been more than just hours of mindless reading.

In the book I just finished, a character said this, which I found myself relating to so very much: "It's easier for me to trust God with other's peoples problems than my own. That's why it's good to have a prayer partner or a group of praying sisters. To hold up our shaky faith, to remind us of God's promises, to stand with us when we don't feel so strong ourselves."

And I am so amazed (and thankful) that in correlation with reading these books, I have become part of a special group of women who are just that...so, HSF, thank you!!

We are suckers!

Emmie Rose has us wrapped around her tiny little finger! We're trying to get her out of our bed. She's been sleeping with us since she was born, although there have been spells that she has slept in her own bed, but mostly she's with us. And now that Aaron has joined us, it makes for much more cramped sleeping quarters.



So we tried the tough love thing the other night. It resulted in Emmie crying hysterically and repeatedly getting out of her bed to come beg to sleep in ours. I was annoyed. Jay was losing his patience. We were stern. We got angry. She cried more.

Just when we thought she had given up, she tiptoed out to the living room with her puppy dog eyes and says, "Mommy, I am all alone in my bed and I love you so much so I need to sleep near you so I won't be alone."

I said no and sent her back to bed.

She started whimpering and said, "But I can't sleep alone because I love my Daddy so much and he goes to work and I miss him so much so I have to sleep near him."

We said no and sent her back to bed.

She cried harder and said, "But Mommy you are my bestie and I have to sleep with you!"

OK...so my heart did start to melt a little at that point, but I still told her to get in her own bed. She started blubbering again about loving Jay and missing him when he's gone at work. Next thing I know she is up in his lap, crying on his shoulder. Then Jay told her to lay on the couch and close her eyes.

And here was the end result of the battle of the beds that night....






Emmie was moved from couch to bed and somehow Brendan snuck in there too!

We obviously had to move a couple kids before we could get in OUR bed. I think there is a term for this...Family Bed...co-sleeping. Good thing it's a cal king.

Parenting: No Easy Task

Sometimes I daydream and think about how much easier it would be to be a lazy parent, just let my kids do and say whatever. Sit on my couch eating Bon Bons watching the soaps while the kids just run a muck. Is that bad to admit?

I don't know if it's the disgusting heat, or the fact that we're moving, or my lack of sleep, but this has been a rough week. I feel like lining them all up and screaming, "Can't we all just get along!?!"

I had this epiphany about how much work good....quality.... Christ-centered parenting really is. It is exhausting sometimes - trying to instill in them a love for the Lord, teach them how to pray, model for them the importance of Bible study and quiet time with God, encourage them to have a servant's heart/attitude, be kind to each other, have patience with each other, not gossip, extend grace where it is needed, honor and obey Jay and I...the list goes on and on.

Then factor in the enemy and the intense battle that is raging for the hearts of my children and it really overwhelms me. The Internet, TV shows, commercials, movies, song lyrics, other children, magazines, people in public places, books...that list goes on and on too.

So what can I do but turn to the Father for help? Trust that He is protecting my children and remember that He loves them more than I do. Know that I'm not perfect and will make mistakes, but God's grace is enough. And understand that each of my children is a sinner just like me. They have free will, just like I do.

But I find hope and encouragement in what God's Word tells me:

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
2 Timothy 3:16-17

Thankfully I'm not on my own when it comes to parenting! Now that's a relief.

Tapped Out Tonight

It's been a really long day...I'm venting to my blog.

The temperature reading in my car showed 105.

My husband worked his usual hours, leaving the house about 5:45 this morning, but he is still out working on some freeway because the lane can only be shut down in the middle of the night. He'll get off about 3 or 4 and drive home...fabulous, I know.

I always have so much empathy for single mothers on these types of days. No mental relief about 6:00 when Daddy walks in. That's tough!

Children are such a blessing. They bring joy. They cause my heart to overflow, my head to hurt and my blood pressure to rise. They each have their own issues and for some reason today it struck me how many things I'm dealing with in their various lives. Such a wide array...

Aaron - the big 1 year old. More independent, but still wants mommy. Walking along things, taking a few steps between people maybe. More adventurous which produces more accidents. And the lovely separation anxiety stage...ahhh. Poor childcare workers at the gym love when he shows up to cry for 45 minutes.

Emmie - my almost 4 year old that acts like she is 14. She can't get enough of my lipstick and must always carry a purse. (Obviously didn't get that from me). Her new favorite phrase is, "I hate..." - fill in the blank and she does say it to people sometimes. So sweet, isn't she? Also struggling with the nap or no nap stage. She desperately still needs one, but never agrees with me on that issue.

Gracie - the toothless 6 year old (oh, sorry, six and a half). She loves to groan and say no to every request I place before her. Her struggle is learning how to pick up after herself and not create a mess in every single room in the house. And the statement she repeats often is that I don't love her as much as___, or I don't do that for her, or I don't react to her that way. Can we say middle child syndrome?

Brendan - watch out, he's 10, double digits now! And in his mind that really changed a lot for him. I didn't get that memo. This would be my son who is obsessed with knives and asks if he can subscribe to a magazine called Guns & Ammo. Spectacular. He can't tolerate crying, so if either of his sisters cries, or the baby, for too long he goes bonkers and immediately begins to instruct me on how to handle them and what disciplinary measures I must take to stop the said crying. And why does he insist on hanging around all the older teenagers in our neighborhood? Oh yeah, the older brother factor. Duh.

Jaylon - the "teenager". At 13 he has begun to really bless us with all the typical teenager stuff we have heard and read about. Wake up time has gotten a bit later. Friends are the only thing that dictates what he wants to do. There is a girl...she doesn't live far and happened to be hanging out in front of my house a few days ago. Why? Just walking, she said. As if! And the constant desire to check emails, when did that happen? His dream come true would be a cell phone. Not. I want to stay on top of things. I want to be aware, but my hope for that dwindled when he told me that one of his good friends is a tagger. I could have fallen over. Here I thought this kid was wonderful. I'm going to need to intensify my prayer life!!

Did I just have a rag session on my children? Maybe. Most of you probably don't deal with these types of issues since your children are lovely, respectful darlings.

I don't have it all together. If there is such a thing as Super Mom I'd love to meet her! I sure could use some input, maybe get her book, or read her blog.

At the end of weary days like this I am so glad that I have the Lord. He can give me input (and extra energy). He has a book I can read. And I love that even if all I can utter out at the end of the day is, "help me Lord to make it through another day" then that's good enough. Our God is so good and merciful!

Looking Back

One year ago today Aaron had his surgery at Loma Linda and began his two week stay in the NICU.

You know it's funny because I was asked a question recently about whether or not as a mother I replay the events and timing of each child's birth every year as their birthday is approaching. To which I answered, absolutely yes! But for me, concerning Aaron, it was a bit different.

Of course as his First birthday approached I got sentimental and did think about what I was doing last year at that time, etc., etc. But as far as details and timing and what not...those memories weren't as vivid for me as the days that followed his birth.

So it is that I'm sitting her blogging about the day he had his surgery because it's the wee hours of July 6 and 7, 2009 that remain most vivid in my mind. Getting to the ER close to midnight and going through the motions to have various tests done and trying to stay awake all through the night. Watching him cry and root because he was so hungry and wanting to nurse. Curling up on the end of his hospital bed to pass out because I just couldn't do it anymore. Watching Michael Jackson's funeral on TV as we waited for the verdict on Aaron's diagnosis. (Crazy, I know!).

But God is so good. Looking back now I can see so clearly the Hand of God in all of it. The power of prayer was indescribable! The supernatural strength that the Lord provided to Jay and I. And the peace....that underlying sense of peace in the midst of a trial - how amazing to truly experience that.

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

And to think that when I was pregnant I asked myself how it would be for child #5...would he be neglected in any way being in last place? Would he get less love? Heck, would I be able to expand my heart yet again and love him as much as the others?

Of course, I look at him now and just can not imagine our family without him!
















This is what he would do every time he heard my voice. Those forehead wrinkles were my favorite. And the crossed eyes!
















To finally hold him was pure satisfaction. It was torture only being able to rub his head.

He was so hungry and wanting to suck...all he got was this dumb pacifier, poor thing. And Daddy got stuck holding it in much of the time.

Hard to imagine this is the same baby? At 23+ pounds with the nickname of "Chub Chub" he sure has come a long way. Our God is an awesome God!