What Gets Me Through...

Sometimes having five kids can be overwhelming. Sometimes homeschooling seems like an insane idea to me. Sometimes the busyness of this culture and our world causes me anxiety. I think how peaceful it might have been to live 100 years ago with no cell phones, televisions, magazines, Internet, credit cards, Ipods, etc. Or maybe we could just up and move to...um I dunno...Idaho maybe and get out of this rat race. I don't like to feel that I'm on one of those hamster wheels and can't get off. Unfortunately, I tend to feel that way sometimes.

When those feelings come I know I need to slow down. I know that I need to scale back. I know I need to learn to say no and stop over-committing myself and my family. Easier said than done! Thankfully now I put more time and energy into my spiritual life and relationship with the Lord and that has made all the difference. I have a verse posted in my bathroom right next to my sink so I can be sure and read it very often to myself:

"My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God". (Proverbs 2:1-5)

I so love that! And I so need that! Life can so quickly overtake me and the worries of our situation come over me like a tidal wave...losing our home, filing bankruptcy, getting our late taxes filed, paying the bills, grocery shopping, homeschooling...the list goes on and on. I find myself crying out for understanding a lot these days, but it's not a literal understanding of my situation or our dismal circumstances. No, it's an understanding of what God is doing in my life and the life of my husband. It's an understanding of what he wants me to learn and how I can glorify Him in the place I am right now. It's an understanding of how to disciple my children and teach them a better way, so they will be better equipped than Jay or I. How can I live my life as a testimony to my kids?

They are constantly watching me and listening, whether I realize it or not. They make me want to be a better person because I want to set a good example for them. And they are another huge part of what gets me through...when I hear the boys laughing late at night in their room, when an older sibling will help a younger sibling with school work (without being asked), when Gracie brings a scared and crying Emmie into our room in the middle of the night, when I listen to their prayers and I know God must be smiling, when Jaylon cooks breakfast for all the younger kids, when my girls run around playing army with Brendan, when any one of them rushes to Aaron because they don't want him to fuss, when they beg to make forts and sleep together, when I look at Aaron sleeping and rub his smooth skin and sweet, chubby rolls ...these types of moments fill my heart up abundantly and I feel like I could gush over with love.

I am thankful that the Lord gives me these moments to get me through the yucky parts of life. And I am especially thankful for Him and the hope He provides.

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40:31)