Hospitality - what a concept!

As a mother of five that home schools there are often days that I'm mentally, physically and emotionally drained (ya think?). The last thing I want to do is pick up the house, fold laundry, or make dinner. I long for the second that Jay walks in the door because it will be some mental relief for me.

I'm very good at jumping all over him the second he gets home...asking him to do things, demanding of his time, deferring the kids to him, etc. Of course he would prefer to ease into things rather than be bombarded. He wants time to unwind and relax and I wonder when I get to relax and unwind.

Recently a fellow mom/wife encouraged me by sharing her struggles with this very same issue. But she was feeling convicted about changing her attitude and behaviors...huh, nothing I ever wanted to do! Yet I've thought about what she said so much and realized how right she was.

I mean the truth of the matter is that I look at Jay's shoes lying around, or clothes on the floor from two days ago, or his pile of stuff on the dresser, or his un-cleared place at the dinner table from the night before and it annoys me. I get bratty and bitter and think, "I've got five children already to pick up after and I don't want to do this crap for anyone else, he's a grown man for cryin' out loud!" And then my thoughts get going...you know how the enemy loves that, when he can get that voice of self-pity going in our heads and get us more and more annoyed or resentful towards our husband?

But what a concept to think about - being more hospitable towards my husband and my own children. Having a servant's heart toward him rather than allowing bitterness to build up. The definition of hospitality is: the friendly reception and treatment of guests or strangers. I wouldn't say that Jay gets a warm and fuzzy friendly reception most days when he walks in the door.

And really if I'm being honest, I clean like a mad woman for guests. I pick up every item in the house if we're having people over, no matter who it belongs to. I am very warm and friendly to them when they walk in our door. So why can't I do that on a daily basis for my own husband?

I will say that this is not natural for me. It does not come easy to me. I have been praying a lot about it because it's so much easier (and makes me feel so much better) to whine and nag and complain to myself about it. :-) But certainly I can do for my own husband and family what I do for friends and guests, right?

Very disturbing

I was going to write this funny post about how I have been trying to learn to crochet lately...feeling like I have two left hands, doubting what on earth would posses me to take this up at age 35 (feeling quite old as I attempt this new hobby) - ultimately it was my sweet Gracie that motivated me because she wanted to learn, but was told that she couldn't do the class because she was too young.

So I thought, huh...forget them... I'd take matters into my own hands, learn it real quick myself and tah-dah...teach her. Jokes on me! Thankfully a sweet and patient 12 year old girl sat with me yesterday and taught me, thank you Reilly! Did I mention it was my second time being taught?

Well as I said, I was going to blog about this funny (and frustrating) experience, but something literally happened between my crochet practice for the afternoon and me getting on my computer.

While babies were sleeping, boys were gone and I was crocheting, Gracie was playing on the computer. This is a favorite thing for her to do. She likes Starfall, PBS Kids, Nick Jr., Playhouse Disney, Sheppard Software etc. (In my mind, all quite safe and educational). We have Internet blocker on our computer, actually a Christian Internet blocker (not sure if that qualifies it as more of a strict blocker than others or not). What I do know is that I trusted it and felt comfortable with her playing.

Naive me!

Recently she found a cooking games for girls website that she likes. She plays cooking games on the Princess and the Frog game on the Wii and loves it. We found this cute website - it had Strawberry Shortcake cooking games...looked decent. I'm very particular about what my kids play on the Internet and I knew we had the B-safe blocker so I was okay.

Naive me!

Come to find out there are "dress up dating" games on this site. There are "kissing at work" games. Need I go on? And she had been playing them. I was horrified! I felt sick. She was embarrassed and crying when I saw her playing them.

My first reaction was bad mommy to not be more thorough, bad mommy to not check in on her new website games, bad mommy to let a six year old on the Internet at all!!! We talked about it, she was honest (thankfully) after some gentle prompting. She thinks her daddy is going to kill her. I am so disappointed...in myself, in her, in the stupid Internet blocker, in the website, in general.

My husband reminded me that this is how they trap young kids on the Internet. They design it as a kids website. They market it as innocent little games. All this so the filters/blockers won't block it and my six year old can play a game where barely dressed women are making out on dates or in their offices.

And people question why I'm so strict with my kids on the Internet, TV and with movies...well guess what, it's gonna get a lot worse, sorry kids!

Over this past week or so it has really hit me how much Emmie (3 1/2) is growing up! You know that realization where one day you're dealing with a toddler, very much still a baby, and then all of a sudden it hits you that this child has gotten older and is a big kid now? Those moments make me sad because it reminds me of how quickly the time is passing.

Her baby book is still not completed and most of the pictures from her life are on my memory stick in my camera, or on the computer. I really need to get on the ball, especially since I've got Aaron now and another baby book to get busy on. So I wanted to post a few things on here that have been typical Emmie moments so that I won't forget them.

Yesterday she was asking for a snack, so she went into the pantry and got some Wheat Thins. She came to me and asked if she could have some "wood chips." I love when kids do that!!

A couple weeks ago she got in trouble and was sent to her room. She was crying and stayed there for a few minutes. Next thing I know she's in my room...she comes to me sniffling and says, "I forgive you Mommy." It was all I could do to suppress my chuckles. We talked about what had happened and as it turned out she was trying to ask me to forgive her, but didn't know how to get the words out. A few days later she did the same thing to her Daddy and we both had a good laugh.





At night she never wants to go to bed. She would much rather snuggle with me in my bed. So often times I have to bribe her to go in her bed/room. I tuck her in and assure her that I'll be back to check on her. She still gets up and comes in our room over and over again because she wants to make sure that I'm coming in to see her "in a couple whiles."

Lastly, she got in trouble from her Daddy a few days ago and he told her to come to him. She was very nervous and hesitant of course, so she crept slowly towards him. She had her blankey and a smirk on her face. Jay kept insisting that she come to him. As she got closer and closer her face turned to worry...she knew she was going to get a spanking. :-) At the last minute as she arrived at her Daddy she turns on the charm, those sparkling eyes and that adorable smile and says to Jay, "Daddy, you love me!?!" As if to remind him that she is his baby and to reconsider his actions. It was hysterical! Of course my husband buckled. LOL

The "To Do List" shackles

My "To Do List" used to dictate my life every single day!

I loved my lists...would even add things to my list that weren't there, but that I'd gotten done, just so I could get the satisfaction of crossing it off. Sick, I know. Having items that remained undone on my list at the end of a day was cause for extreme anxiety for me.

When I was working, I even had two To Do Lists...one for work things and one for all the other stuff. If my lists got too messy or unorganized, I would have to make a new, fresh one to work from. It was bad!

Somehow...by the grace of God mostly, but also because my life is full with children...I don't have that obsession anymore. Now don't get me wrong, I definitely still have a To Do List, but it doesn't consume my thoughts and dictate my days. I feel like now it is a way to help me remember things because I've gotten so scatter-brained that I can't keep up with it all. Seriously I question some days if I might be ADD or something closely related? So I'm constantly writing things down in hopes that I won't forget. But I try not to allow my list to pressure me.

I understand so much more now that each day is unique and there is just no way to know what is in store for me, especially when multiple children are involved. All I can do is get out of bed, put my feet on the ground and ask God to be with me as I live out each moment. It is freeing for me to understand that because I was putting too much pressure on myself by trying to cross off every single item on my list every day, or make sure that things always happened at the very same time each day, or that our daily routine was exactly the same every single day...that is so NOT possible.

And the realization of that, along with eliminating the power my "To Do List" had over me, has been so freeing!

A Decade of Marriage

Today Jay and I celebrate 10 years of marriage. We give all the glory to God for sustaining us these last ten years. We certainly would not have made it this far without Him.

On March 17, 2000 in San Francisco we had a small ceremony at the Palace of Fine Arts. It was just us, my Mom and Ted, and Jay's friend Shawn as our witnesses. Back then we were not walking closely with the Lord and during our engagement (and living together) I became pregnant with Brendan...so we wanted to be married before he was born. Hence, the Palace of Fine Arts. Brendan was born in June. :-)

Fast forward exactly one year to March 17, 2001 in Anaheim...we renewed our vows in a church surrounded by family and friends. It was a beautiful wedding, complete with 11 bridesmaids/groomsmen, a flower girl, a ring bearer (Jaylon) and a night full of dancing. It was so special and everything I had ever dreamed of. We even had green beer...not that I should boast about that, but our families (mine being Irish) love a good party - and so did we back then!

My most favorite memory about our "big" wedding was my husband, who cried while he was saying his vows. His emotion and transparency was a huge reason I fell in love with him in the first place! Another memory we always get a good laugh from is the fact that a piece of cake fell down the front of my dress and I fished it out with a fork...all captured on our video sad to say!

These ten years have been like nothing I have ever experienced. There have been times of joy & happiness, times of stress & worry, times of irritation & anger and times of silliness & laziness. We have shared the birth of four children, the death of two grandparents, the purchase of our first home, a layoff, eight (yes, 8!!) moves, depression, tremendous growth in the Lord, counseling and a roller coaster of other typical events in life.

I consider myself truly blessed to call Jay my husband. He has stuck with me through some rough patches and I'm the first to admit that I am no peach to be married to. :-) He is such a family man and I appreciate the fact that he puts us first and desires to spend as much time with us as he can. His children adore him and my heart gushes with love when I watch him interact with them.

So thank you Jay for the past ten years, whether good times or bad, in sickness or health, richer or poorer, for better or worse, till death do us part. I love you and you are still my favorite!!

"There is no place on earth quite like marriage for the kind of transformation God is after." John and Staci Eldredge

Learning to crawl

What a joy it has been these last couple of weeks to watch as Aaron tries to figure out how to crawl. It's been all the usual stages...pushing up on his hands from his tummy to lifting his entire body off the ground while on his tummy, then bending his legs when he pushes up, rocking back and forth in a sitting position, lunging forward from sitting to being on his hands and knees...all the while scooting and sliding little by little. Most of the time it ends in frustration for him. He is not a master crawler yet, but he is definitely gaining confidence and able to move around some now. Time to move all the cords, check all the outlets and make sure my floors are actually cleaned more than...ooh, maybe I better keep that information to myself. :-)

It struck me how much Aaron's learning to crawl reminds me of my walk with God. It consists of many small steps that take awhile to figure out and get comfortable with. It can be scary and frustrating, but He is always with me as I'm trying to get it right! Often times I end up flat on my face whining and crying, but the beauty is that He always picks me up to try again and with each attempt I learn more, gain more confidence and understand how it all works together.

"I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me, and heard my cry. He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps. He has put a new song in my mouth - praise to our God; many will see it and fear, and will trust in the Lord." Psalm 40:1-3

Individuality

You would think that after being a mother for several years, I would understand and appreciate that each one of my five children are unique individuals. I forget that sometimes, well maybe often is more accurate, and yesterday was one of those times!

I had lots I wanted to accomplish for the day. I had schedules and plans and things on my To Do List!! As is so typical with children, that all went out the door, which in turn caused me to get uptight because my plans were being altered. :-) When I feel like that it seems that my children's quirks and unique personality traits rub me the wrong way and I don't react very kindly or embrace them the way that I should.

Turns out my dear, sweet son Brendan had cracked his tooth in half, which caused his one and only filling to come out and left a huge hole! So...an emergency trip to the dentist we took and come to find out he has an infection (did I mention he did this over a month ago and never said anything to us?!?!), was put on antibiotics, has to go back next week to have tooth extracted, then goes back the week after that to have TWO MORE cavities filled! Geesh! And God love his little personality...he tells the dentist how boring brushing is and how he enjoys flossing much more because it's not boring and quick. He also shared with the dentist how he savors popcorn kernels, likes to chew on them apparently...hence the broken tooth, which by the way the dentist said is nearly impossible to split perfectly in half the way he did. That's my boy!

Once we got home and I got over myself (and my agenda) I started thinking about the awesome gifts God has given me in these five children. I was reminded that it is my job to nurture and encourage them, quirks and all. God has made them, has known them before they were even born and loves them more than I do. He already knows what they will become and He knows the paths they will travel. So I sat back and watched them all for awhile and absorbed the fact that God has placed five unique human beings in my care and I need to understand and appreciate that.

Jaylon loves music and dancing...he can do a mean Moon Walk. He is a great cook and loves to learn new recipes. He is good at making his little sisters laugh. His flatulence can clear a room in a heartbeat and he thinks its hysterical. His favorite thing is riding - a bike, scooter, or skateboard - anything he can do crazy/daredevil tricks on! He taught himself the Rubix Cube by watching it on You Tube, he is just that determined. He wants to be a neurosurgeon when he grows up. He has no fear and confirmed this for me when he started doing back flips from a standing position. He loved watching Shaun White in the Olympics...I'm sure you can guess why.

Brendan loves to build. He will spend hours "designing" something. Once he drew up plans to build his own house on the side yard of our house. He planted a garden this year and was very thorough about caring for it and picking the fresh veggies for us. If he had his way, he would go to work with his Daddy every single day. He wants to be an engineer when he grows up. He has a very sensitive heart and is full of emotion. He loves to pray out loud (didn't get that from me), he still asks to be tucked in every night and he loves to play army and build forts with his little sisters.

Gracie can play by herself for hours. This girl will use whatever is around for her make-believe worlds. She especially likes Little People and Polly Pockets. She plays with Matchbox cars and likes to line them all up (park them) over and over again. I constantly hear her talking while she plays...her people/characters talking really. She loves to draw, another thing she can sit for long periods of time and do. She wants to be an artist and a mommy when she grows up. She can't stand it when Aaron gets fussy and if he is crying, oh no, she really can't handle that!

Emmie, the fire cracker of the bunch! She loves make-up and lipstick and doing hair and pretty clothes, especially skirts/dresses that twirl. She is constantly singing and dancing. We are constantly being asked to sit down and watch her shows. She comes in our bed every single night (my poor husband doesn't sleep very well). She doesn't want to miss a beat with her older siblings. She likes to do art, especially paint. She adores her older siblings and will do anything they are doing - she particularly likes to dig and build with Brendan in the dirt. And she is a great soldier in his army games, very obedient.

And sweet baby Aaron, well he is still very young, but he is observant and content. He is not fussy and smiles a lot. His eyes light up when he sees any of his brothers or sisters. He loves to give high five ( or "pow pow" as we call it). He is a cuddle-bug and wants nothing to do with any type of baby food. So far, he is strictly a "nunnies" boy!

I know this post was very long, but these were things I wanted to record for each of these unique individuals that I am blessed to have as my children. I forget too much and wanted to remember these things.

Children Learn What They Live

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.

If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.

If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.

If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.


If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence.

If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.

If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.

If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.

If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.


I have no idea who wrote this, but it's on a small card that I have and I just love these simple and pertinent reminders. And I am thankful that my children are full of love and grace towards me because parenting 'aint easy!


If only they could all behave and interact as sweet and docile as they appear in these pictures! But then how boring would my home be...and how ever would I learn or grow as a mommy?

What Gets Me Through...

Sometimes having five kids can be overwhelming. Sometimes homeschooling seems like an insane idea to me. Sometimes the busyness of this culture and our world causes me anxiety. I think how peaceful it might have been to live 100 years ago with no cell phones, televisions, magazines, Internet, credit cards, Ipods, etc. Or maybe we could just up and move to...um I dunno...Idaho maybe and get out of this rat race. I don't like to feel that I'm on one of those hamster wheels and can't get off. Unfortunately, I tend to feel that way sometimes.

When those feelings come I know I need to slow down. I know that I need to scale back. I know I need to learn to say no and stop over-committing myself and my family. Easier said than done! Thankfully now I put more time and energy into my spiritual life and relationship with the Lord and that has made all the difference. I have a verse posted in my bathroom right next to my sink so I can be sure and read it very often to myself:

"My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God". (Proverbs 2:1-5)

I so love that! And I so need that! Life can so quickly overtake me and the worries of our situation come over me like a tidal wave...losing our home, filing bankruptcy, getting our late taxes filed, paying the bills, grocery shopping, homeschooling...the list goes on and on. I find myself crying out for understanding a lot these days, but it's not a literal understanding of my situation or our dismal circumstances. No, it's an understanding of what God is doing in my life and the life of my husband. It's an understanding of what he wants me to learn and how I can glorify Him in the place I am right now. It's an understanding of how to disciple my children and teach them a better way, so they will be better equipped than Jay or I. How can I live my life as a testimony to my kids?

They are constantly watching me and listening, whether I realize it or not. They make me want to be a better person because I want to set a good example for them. And they are another huge part of what gets me through...when I hear the boys laughing late at night in their room, when an older sibling will help a younger sibling with school work (without being asked), when Gracie brings a scared and crying Emmie into our room in the middle of the night, when I listen to their prayers and I know God must be smiling, when Jaylon cooks breakfast for all the younger kids, when my girls run around playing army with Brendan, when any one of them rushes to Aaron because they don't want him to fuss, when they beg to make forts and sleep together, when I look at Aaron sleeping and rub his smooth skin and sweet, chubby rolls ...these types of moments fill my heart up abundantly and I feel like I could gush over with love.

I am thankful that the Lord gives me these moments to get me through the yucky parts of life. And I am especially thankful for Him and the hope He provides.

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40:31)

What a week!

Just got back from the doctor's...again. I took Aaron and Emmie there on Wednesday and our visit was over 2 hours. We were sent home with a nebulizer and Albuterol for the both of them. They were coughing and wheezing; Emmie was up at night with a fever and cough attacks. Aaron was tested for RSV (it was negative thankfully) and Emmie had blood work done to rule out infection/viruses - she was clear. Today we went back because Emmie was not improving and our time there was over 2 hours yet again. The doctor had her lungs x-rayed for pneumonia and praise God, they were clear.

I'm tired. I'm grumpy. It's been a rough week. I hate seeing my kids sick, especially the babies! My family has had no home cooked meals for dinner this week. There has been no milk in my fridge all week and my kids have been very bothered that they can't have cereal for breakfast. I haven't done devotions/Bible study at all. Everyday our "schedule" has been off, well really non-existent. I had grand plans of reading Dr. Seuss books and doing fun activities with my kids since his birthday was this week and it was Read Across America Day. I had all the materials ready to do a mini-unit study on hot dogs (they've been begging to do it for weeks now) and make our very first lap book. Neither of these things happened.

Weeks like these get me down; they discourage me really. Oh and did I mention that I have a gnarly cold sore on my lip, my cough has flared up and my throat is hurting again. I've been pouting all week and feeling blah. I had my PJ's on by 3:00 yesterday afternoon...that should paint a pretty picture. :-)

My Dad gave me a nugget of encouragement when he reminded me that I should be grateful that I have a doctor to take my children to and that at least we're not in Haiti. That got me thinking about my friends in Haiti and the people I know down there...what they must be going through. I simply can't imagine! And it changed my outlook immediately because I am thankful to have an accessible doctor, a decent pharmacy and the ability to pay for medicine and medical care. We are so blessed.

Then I'm driving home today and it was as if the songs on the radio were meant just for me. I love when that happens! One of my favorite songs by Kutless: "You are my strong tower, shelter over me, beautiful and mighty, everlasting King. You are my strong tower, fortress when I'm weak, Your name is true and holy, and Your face is all that I seek." The very next song touched me too, but I'm not sure of the title or the artist: "I am safe in Your arms, You're my strength when I am weak, You carry me. I am safe in Your arms, You're my strength and my Savior."

Both songs served as a reminder to me that my strength comes from the Lord. And I was able to look back on my week and see that. My children have all survived just fine without cereal for breakfast and daily baths and the five food groups and activities. I am still functioning. And I will press on....

Can't we all just get along?

I am no expert at sibling interaction being that I am an only child, but is it really that difficult? I don't understand why my children just can't get along. In my perfect world their relationships would be pure bliss and love and tolerance. Instead there is arguing and competition and rudeness. It makes me sad to see them treat each other badly. It angers me when one puts another down or teases them. I really feel bad when they love on one sibling and then reject another!

My prayers have been that I will get better at discipling (disciple-ing, not disciplining) my children; teaching them how to treat each other and have patience with one another. It is hard! How do you make sure your boys are loving towards both sisters, not just the younger one that doesn't bother them as much? How do you ensure that your boys are friends and not jealous and competitive? How do you raise two daughters so that they will be the best of friends and not spiteful and mean to each other?

Being mediator and referee can sure be exhausting, but I am trying to get better at letting them work it out. I once read that if a parent constantly responds to tattling then the kids continue to do it because they've gotten a reaction. So...I pray and pray and pray...and am trying as hard as I can to give it over to God. I know He can change their hearts and attitudes towards each other. I also know that His word gives me all that I need to raise these kids and disciple them to become the individuals God has created them to be. And I am so grateful for that.

Today has just been one of those days where everyone is having issues. I do have hope though because not all days are like this and those times when they do get along and enjoy each other bring me great joy!

Waste of a day???

Today has been one of those days where I feel like nothing got accomplished, like I might as well chalk it up as a wash! Emmie woke up (way too early) with a fever. Brendan isn't even here, he's with his grandparents. I half way did my Bible study and couldn't concentrate because the kids were already awake. It was one of those days where I definitely let my kids play the Wii too much and watch too many PBS cartoons. We squeezed in some phonics, science, reading and math, but as is so typical, I feel like it wasn't enough "school" today.

I saw a verse that said, "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" (Ephesians 2:10). I got to thinking...what good do I possibly do? And in my self-doubt I realized that I have been blessed with five amazing children to raise and nurture. Seems like I can do a whole lot of good with that! And how comforting that God has prepared me in advance for what I must do as a mother. I am so thankful to have Him by my side to guide me through this thing called parenthood (and life for that matter!!).

Then I thought about our day again, with a different outlook. I was pleased rather than discouraged because I realized that I was able to snuggle with Emmie and read to her a lot more than on a typical day. I realized that Brendan is spending time with two different sets of grandparents and building those relationships, and that they won't always be around for him to hang out with. I realized that Gracie and I were able to sit, just the two of us, and do her math and science and read some fun Dr. Seuss books without any interruptions because the two little ones were sleeping at the same time - a rare occurrence! I realized that Jaylon had done all his chores without being reminded or arguing and finished his math with no complaining. On top of that he took it upon himself to clean out his drawers! And for me, well, I was finally able to finish all the laundry and get it put away while we were watching cartoons...my room looks normal again. :-)

So today was not a wash, it just took some gentle reminding from the Holy Spirit that not everyday has to look the same to be a good one.