Battling the enemy

This one is long, but big lessons were learned on my part. ~ Have you ever had one of those mornings where nothing went right and it was all you could do to hold it together? Monday morning was just such a morning for me.

Actually, let me back up to the weekend. I felt full of joy. I had planned my lesson for our very first co-op on Monday. We were looking forward to being part of such a fun group. The kids were having a blast in Newport Beach. I was ready to join them and relax for a couple days.

"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8

Jay joined us Saturday night after a long day of (unsuccessful) fishing, but was in a sour mood. It ticked me off. He rained on our parade as far as I was concerned. I didn't care that he had worked hard all week. I didn't care that he had only gotten two hours sleep the night before and been on a boat in the sun all day long. I didn't take into account that he really just wanted to go home, but stayed at the beach with us for dinner because I gave him a guilt trip.

Very few words were spoken that night, or the next morning. So we show up at church at odds with each other, which always feels so wrong! I was very emotional during the service. He apologized to the kids and I afterwards. In my heart I didn't forgive him. I held a grudge the whole day. I was bitter. I was on edge. I was rude and grumpy all day long. Truth be told, there were actually three separate times that I blew a fuse and said hurtful things and bad words in front of my three oldest and even worse...to them. Jay and I went to bed without speaking. The enemy was getting the best of me. He was egging me on and kept justifying my feelings.

"...He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies." John 8:44

Monday morning I woke up early to have my quiet time with God. Granted, I was in a bad mood and felt no joy. My devotional reading was about the protection of the Lord from the enemy. Hmmm. Then I randomly decided to read this photocopy of something my mom had given me several weeks ago on being captive to our thoughts. Whoa! That hit me right between the eyes. I read it, looked up a few scripture verses and wrote in my prayer journal. I knew what needed to be done, but I did not want to do it.

It was a rare morning where Jay didn't leave until later, so when everyone was awake I pulled he and the three oldest aside to admit my wrong and ask their forgiveness. That was very humbling. I did it kicking and screaming inside. My pride was in high gear that morning because I really just wanted to hold onto my grudge and go about my day. Then we prayed together before he left and I asked for a peaceful day and no anger on my part.

Slowly things began to unravel...We had to be at co-op on time to get set up. I certainly didn't want to be late on day one. I wanted to make a good impression. I was totally insecure about what I had planned and kept doubting myself. The kids were all moving at extra slow speeds. The boys were arguing. Emmie woke up whining and eventually it escalated into a full-blown meltdown. Aaron happened to pick that day to sleep in, which was not good since I needed to nurse him before I left him with my mom for the day.

I thought of the verses from James 1:2-3: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." But I didn't really want to be developing my faith that particular morning.

Then as I'm doing Gracie's hair she says to me, "See mom, your prayer this morning didn't even work." Wow! That provided a teachable moment. I explained that Satan was working extra hard to ruin our day and that we needed to stand strong and pray more.

It got worse...

We were rushing about, scrambling to load up. I got in my car and the speedometer didn't go on. All of the gages have been acting up, but of course it would be this morning that it just doesn't work. After several attempts of turning the car on and off, I just decided to leave. Then my garage wouldn't shut. It took my mom and Jaylon several minutes to move stuff around and get it to shut. I forgot their science notebooks in the rush.

I called Jay to tell him about our morning since he had left and started to cry. He reminded me that it was just the devil trying to get the best of me. I cried all the way to co-op. We pulled up and I told the kids we needed to pray again. I blubbered through the prayer. I walked in and my sweet friend listened to my drama. Then we prayed as a group and I felt the weight of the weekend lift.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

Some would say it was Murphy's Law that morning, but I disagree. It was Satan, the enemy of my soul, hard at work. He had gained a foothold over the weekend. And sadly I allowed him to do just that for a couple days, but thankfully the Lord got me back on track and renewed my strength.