I have this list on my refrigerator so that I can look at it often. I need to be reminded of these things several times a day as I attempt to discipline and train my children in a manner pleasing to the Lord.
1. You disobey the Lord and He is the perfect Father.
He is patient, loving, forgiving, compassionate, gentle, kind and self-controlled toward me when I disobey Him. He does not scream at me, lecture me, hold a grudge, lose his temper, say harsh things, or withhold love as I so often tend to do with my own children.
2. His kindness leads us to repentance.
I desire to repent of my disobedience because He is patient, loving, forgiving, compassionate, gentle, kind and self-controlled towards me. So in my parenting, I must model His parenting so that my children will desire repentance and understand why it is necessary. And I must keep in mind that harshness and dictatorship is not going to encourage my children to admit and accept their sin, or to repent.
3. God disciplines those He loves.
There are consequences for my actions and my sin, so I can expect that my loving Father will discipline me because He loves me. In this same way, I discipline my children because I love them and want to teach them right from wrong. This can be a struggle for me because it's much easier for me to overlook rather then take the time to discipline, correct, explain and reconcile.
4. Your child's disobedience does not measure your value any more than their obedience showcases your achievement.
My children will never be perfect (and sadly I seem to forget this at times because it's like I expect perfection). They will disobey and this does not define me as a mother. On the flip side, when they do obey it does not mean that I've got it all figured out. It is all by the grace of God.
5. Your child's disobedience teaches you dependence on God.
There is nothing else in my life that requires as much dependence on God as parenting does. It is a daily battle, sometimes an hour by hour battle, and I just can't do it in my own strength...especially not in a God-glorifying way. As any mother can attest, it is exhausting (and I don't just mean physically!!).
6. And sometimes it's more than dependence He's after; it's complete desperation for Him.
"Complete desperation" is a much better description of the way I function as a mother each day rather than just "dependence on." I do depend on Him, but in a completely desperate way. How else could I make it through each day?
7. Your child is clearly a sinner, and needs to hear the truth of the Gospel, and see it lived out through you.
The "lived out through you" phrase is what I am constantly reminding myself of! There are five pairs of eyes that are constantly watching me and my actions are what communicate a message to them more than any words I can ever say.
8. Times of correction serve to remind, or establish within your child, his own sense of need for a Savior.
We are all sinners. We all fall short. We all need a Savior.
9. It's not good behavior you really desire...you want their heart.
We didn't understand this for many years. The hearts of our children weren't really our focus, it was the outward stuff we were after I think. I am thankful that our perspective has changed and that we understand how important it is to have their hearts and not just compliant children that fear us.
10. Your child is a person, not a project.
Ouch. That's what I think when I read this...probably because I was treating my children like my projects for so many years. I wanted them to make me look good. I didn't like it when they disrupted my routine, or stability, or agenda. But they are people ~ with souls. My deepest desire is for them to know Jesus and fall in love with Him and be sold out for Him. I want them to spend eternity with Him.
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