An Emotional Reminder

We listen to Air 1 (a Christian station) on the radio whenever we're in the car. A couple months ago, I heard something about a baby boy with heart defects being born to a member of the band Sanctus Real. I quickly turned it up because the DJ was talking about the heartache of the mother to see her baby hooked up to machines and not be able to hold him ~ I could relate obviously and wanted to hear more. Unfortunately, I had missed most of the story and meant to check the Air 1 website for a link to their blog and forgot.

Then a few days ago on Air 1, I heard that the same baby boy was finally going home. The DJ mentioned the blog address to read the full story. So I finally had some quiet time tonight and pulled it up. I was overwhelmed with emotions. What an amazing testimony of faith and hope.

In the midst of reading through post after post, Aaron began to cry from upstairs. I couldn't get there fast enough. I scooped him up and just held him and cried. All the emotions from that first week of his life and his surgery and stay in the NICU came flooding back ~ fear, heartache, exhaustion, anxiety, hope, adoration, anger, panic and a peace that surpassed any understanding.

I just kept thinking how thankful I was that Aaron's issue was relatively minor and his stay in the hospital so brief...how thankful I was that it was such a common thing and such an easy fix in comparison to other birth defects...how thankful I was that I was squeezing him in my arms 16 months later!

It got me thinking about the other parents we met during our stay at Loma Linda and their precious babies, each with different complications. I wondered what had become of them. I prayed for them. My heart ached for some of them. I was disappointed that I'd forgotten them; not prayed for them more.

God used my experience with Aaron to really grow me, yet I feel like I allowed it to get pushed way to the back...it seems so long ago and surreal now, but reading this other blog tonight brought it all back for me. I am grateful for the way it jostled my memory because I was able to look back on our suffering and see that truly my faith was tested and proven. How glorious!
God is faithful. His power is made perfect in our weakness. I was weak, but He was strong.

Before and After

After two and a half years, Jaylon got his braces off two days ago!!! He is now the proud owner of a purple retainer and his teeth turned out beautifully.

At a Loss for Words

I was standing at the kitchen sink doing dishes. Jay was working, as he had been for several days in a row, which was wearing thin on us all. There was tension among the kids and my stress level was high. The boys were bickering while working on a writing assignment (did I mention it was Sunday and they were ticked?). Gracie was crying because she didn't get her way. Emmie was pouting because Gracie wouldn't play with her. And then Aaron started crying because he wanted me to pick him up.

I felt like I wanted to join Aaron and just have a good cry. Then I wanted to scream at all my children to shut up (awful to admit I know, but the honest truth). Next I contemplated going into my room and locking the door.

I tried to feel patient. I tried to be understanding. I wanted to come up with some sound wisdom to get my boys to stop arguing and have a better attitude. I was hoping to think of something to say that would make the girls feel better and get them playing harmoniously together.

I had nothin'. I was at a loss for words.

All I had the energy to do was say, "Help me God!"

And as it turned out, that was all I needed to say. I am so thankful that He knows what I need even when I can't even find the words to ask. I can't imagine parenting without Him.