There was something crucial that I left out of my last post, Desires for a New Year, and someone lovingly and graciously brought it to my attention. 

My main goal for 2012 is still to live each day in total dependence on God and keep Him as my number one priority, but in my list of "typical resolutions" that I mentioned, I left out the most important thing.

My marriage.  My role as a wife.  After God, the next priority in my life should be my husband and my marriage. 

I have been thinking and praying a lot about this omission for the last few days.  I had to ask myself a couple difficult questions - After the Lord, is Jay my next priority?  Are my children idols in my life? 

The conclusion I reached is that this omission revealed my heart.  I confess, I do not place my husband and our marriage as second priority in my life.  And sadly, it is common for my marriage and my husband to be further down on the list than even priority number three.  Actually, this is something the Lord has been revealing to me over and over again the last several months.

This is not how God designed it.  There is nothing more important that I could resolve to do than give priority to my marriage and my husband above my children, above following a budget, above losing weight, above getting organized. 

I must make constant and earnest efforts to make sure Jay knows he matters more than the kids.  Here is the definition of earnest: serious in intention, purpose, or effort. 

...and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband, notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates and esteems him, defers to him, praises him and loves and admires him exceedingly.           Ephesians 5:33 (Amplified Bible)

This verse from this particular version, is jam-packed and I will be the first to admit that I do not treat my husband this way.  I love this verse though because it provides such a detailed description of what God intended and what I must aim for.

There were a few other questions that I've been asking myself this week ~ Am I bringing God glory and putting Christ on display in my marriage?  What are my children seeing in my marriage?  What am I teaching them about how a marriage (and a family) functions?  Do I build my husband up to them and in front of them?

I have been convicted this week in asking myself these questions.  The Lord has been faithful to show me that I have a lot of work to do in this area.  There are no valid excuses for ignoring God's structure.  I can't say it's just a season, or my husband is a jerk, or I'm just too tired.  I have made all these excuses and then some.  Having my priorities out of whack is detrimental to my relationship with God, as well as my relationship with my husband. 

All the more reason I must seek Him first and live dependently on Him day in and day out.  I cannot be the wife I was created to be in my own strength or apart from Him.

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you. 
   Matthew 6:33

Desires for the New Year

As is so common in the beginning of a New Year, I have been reflecting on the past year and looking ahead to 2012.  Of course the typical "resolutions" popped into my mind ~ lose weight, stick to a budget, have more patience with my children, get more organized.  Then it hit me...no matter what I resolve to do, I will not be able to succeed on my own.

The most important goal I can set at the beginning of this New Year is to live each day in total dependence on God.  I must put Him as my number one priority.  I must look to Him as I strive to lose weight and get healthy, as I struggle to stick to our budget, as I attempt to parent with more grace and patience, and as I try to keep myself more organized.

The best way for me to be purposeful about living dependently on Him is to start each day alone with Him and in His Word.

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.  Psalm 119:105

I can't see very well in the dark.

To wake up before the kids, sit down with my coffee, my Bible and my journal and spend time with Him in His Word.  Not just stumble out of bed and read a quick little devotional, but actually set aside a chunk of time and dive into the Word of God - the Bible. 

After all, it is a relationship that I am to have with God and how can I maintain a relationship with someone whom I never spend time with?  Or who I spend time with sporadically?  And how else will I be able to draw closer to Him and hear from Him if I am not immersing myself in His Word? 

And now I commend you to God and to the word of His grace, which is able to build you up and to give you the inheritance among all those who are sanctified.     Acts 20:32

...the word of God, which also performs its work in you who believe. 1 Thessalonians 2:13

The only way I am going to grow spiritually and become more like Christ is if I am saturating myself in the Word of God.  The only way I will be able to live dependently on Him in all areas of my life is if I am familiar with the truths found in the Bible.  The only way for me to ensure that He is the number one priority in my life is to start each day with Him, as well as go through each day mindful of what His Son did for me on the Cross and the grace that He has shown me. 

...like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation...         1 Peter 2:2

My desire is to crave the Word like a baby craves milk; to seek the truth in God's Word alone.  I want to be in the Word and allow God to work in my life through His Word.

I know I will not do this perfectly.  I will have days that I don't wake up early enough, or don't feel like it, or those lovely days where I'm focused and in the Word before the kids get up and then as soon as they come downstairs it's as if I've forgotten everything I've read and meditated on that morning. 

And it is at these times that I can remind myself of Romans 8:1 ~ Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  I am never going to be perfect this side of heaven, so I can stop trying to be and stop beating myself up when I fall short.

And so I share these things here so that those close to me might hold me accountable and also that maybe it will challenge or encourage you in this area as well.

Happy New Year!

Summer

It's been a long time.  I've been quiet...I know.  Summer disappeared.  I can't believe it's mid-September already.  I have had so many thoughts the last 2+ months about blogging, but obviously didn't get around to it.  I love to write and share my heart.  I've missed it.

I'm not sure where the summer went.  It's not like we had a plethora of trips planned.  We went beach camping at the beginning of June and to Phoenix for my grandma's 91st birthday in August, but other than that we were home. 

So what exactly did we do all summer?  I'm not really sure. 

I totally biffed it on my promise to take the kids to the beach more ~ again.  Next year maybe?  Doubtful since I can't stand the beach.  So glad I have friends who go that invite my kids.

My summer memories are of exhaustion and nausea - daily afternoon naps that could in no way be avoided.  Then again what else did I expect during the first weeks of pregnancy, right?  And since I'm so very old now, I had lots of added appointments and tests and ultrasounds to keep me busy.

I did a neat Bible study with some friends.  We had our couples Dgroup that ran through summer.  Jaylon did lots with youth group (I forgot...he got to go to the beach with them a few times!).  My girls did a wonderful ballet camp.  We had play dates here and there.  We attended three weddings within eight days. 

Now here we are full force into the school year.  Jaylon is in high school and Emmie started kindergarten so I have lots of new territory.  It's busy and overwhelming and wonderful.

We are having a little GIRL.  Of course I swore we wouldn't find out the gender, but for cryin' out loud I just don't have the will power to stare at the screen for an hour and not know.  So the score is even now.  We have no name...can't agree on anything.  Typical.

We are so blessed and continue to be amazed at God's grace everyday.  Love to all of you.