There was something crucial that I left out of my last post, Desires for a New Year, and someone lovingly and graciously brought it to my attention. 

My main goal for 2012 is still to live each day in total dependence on God and keep Him as my number one priority, but in my list of "typical resolutions" that I mentioned, I left out the most important thing.

My marriage.  My role as a wife.  After God, the next priority in my life should be my husband and my marriage. 

I have been thinking and praying a lot about this omission for the last few days.  I had to ask myself a couple difficult questions - After the Lord, is Jay my next priority?  Are my children idols in my life? 

The conclusion I reached is that this omission revealed my heart.  I confess, I do not place my husband and our marriage as second priority in my life.  And sadly, it is common for my marriage and my husband to be further down on the list than even priority number three.  Actually, this is something the Lord has been revealing to me over and over again the last several months.

This is not how God designed it.  There is nothing more important that I could resolve to do than give priority to my marriage and my husband above my children, above following a budget, above losing weight, above getting organized. 

I must make constant and earnest efforts to make sure Jay knows he matters more than the kids.  Here is the definition of earnest: serious in intention, purpose, or effort. 

...and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband, notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates and esteems him, defers to him, praises him and loves and admires him exceedingly.           Ephesians 5:33 (Amplified Bible)

This verse from this particular version, is jam-packed and I will be the first to admit that I do not treat my husband this way.  I love this verse though because it provides such a detailed description of what God intended and what I must aim for.

There were a few other questions that I've been asking myself this week ~ Am I bringing God glory and putting Christ on display in my marriage?  What are my children seeing in my marriage?  What am I teaching them about how a marriage (and a family) functions?  Do I build my husband up to them and in front of them?

I have been convicted this week in asking myself these questions.  The Lord has been faithful to show me that I have a lot of work to do in this area.  There are no valid excuses for ignoring God's structure.  I can't say it's just a season, or my husband is a jerk, or I'm just too tired.  I have made all these excuses and then some.  Having my priorities out of whack is detrimental to my relationship with God, as well as my relationship with my husband. 

All the more reason I must seek Him first and live dependently on Him day in and day out.  I cannot be the wife I was created to be in my own strength or apart from Him.

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you. 
   Matthew 6:33